What Happens in Maine

People who are from Maine are exactly like people from Texas. They just don't hug or say "ya'll" or make quick decisions. They are deliberate and quiet and stoic. And they think that their state is the greatest state in the good old U. S. of A. (because let's face it, ya'll, it's a competition and the winning state gets a plaque). I'm pretty sure that behind closed doors there are people in Maine, particularly way way way Northern Maine, planning secession very quietly.

I like Maine well enough. I shop at LL Bean. I like blueberries. If I had been able to have Bob's Clam Hut cater my wedding I would have done it in a snap. Portland is a hip little town where I don't feel chronically underdressed. They wear fleece to brunch too.

Still, I hate to break it to you...folks from "The County"... but Maine ain't all that.

This is what your state did to my child.

To be specific, this is what the venomous, swarming, apocalyptic mosquitoes in Weld, Maine did to my child.

Start Fed Exing lobster rolls to my apartment, Maine. You got some serious damage to control.