Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Banana Cream Cheese Bread - Not the Recipe

So by rights, if the baby sticks her finger in the Banana Cream Cheese Bread while I'm waiting five hours for the people at the "we make your salad just like you want it" counter at the grocery store to make my salad, I have to buy it, right?

Honestly, I came this close to putting it back.

She poked her finger clear through the cellophane and into the bread. She made a hole. If I were a better blogger I would have taken a picture and posted it here.

But here's the thing. If it had been zucchini bread. Or nut bread of some kind. Carrot bread or lentil bread, I totally wouldn't have bought it.

So part of me thought, "yeah, whoever buys this and then gets it home and realizes someone stuck their finger in it is going to be super pissed and grossed out because they were having a bad day and the store was mobbed and they were also ordering their salad at the same time and never thought to check and see if someone put a finger in the bread, and they'll probably think it was a homeless person not my cute but honestly pretty crungy baby, and they will be really mad but not mad enough to take it back to the store so they'll just throw it away and what a waste of good Banana Cream Cheese Bread it will be because some homeless person truly could have eaten it."

And the other part of me thought" Wait a second is that Banana Cream Cheese Bread? Whaaaaaat? Why yes it is! And how have I lived this long without knowing that such a delicacy existed and what a shame the Bean put her finger through the cellophane so we'll just have to buy it, and yes I'd like no salad dressing cuz I'm on a diet because I'm going to be a big Broadway star now even though I have the smallest part in the play, but I do have a lot of stage time."

And by the way, I only looked for five minutes but it seems that the only place you can get this delectable bread is at my grocery store. All the recipes for Banana Cream Cheese Bread that I found online mix the cream cheese in with the butter but this one has the cream cheese in like a layer on the top in the middle like a cream cheese brownie. So I'm not offering the recipe.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Rotation of the Earth

So the thing about New York is, that on certain days of the year, when the sun bounces off the building across the street at just the right angle, and you walk into the kitchen at just the right minute to get a glass of ice water, sun actually streams in the window. Like it does at normal people's houses. And you can see, with staggering clarity, just how filthy the place is. I mean. Filthy. Caked-on goop on the side of the refrigerator...and the basket holding the takeout menus on the side of the refrigerator. Years of grime ground into the fridge handle. Nastiness caked on the front of the stove and the dishwasher. I couldn't actually bring myself to look down at the floor.

So what the heck is in those Mr. Clean Magic Erasers? They dissolve, themselves, and take the filth with them. When I'm done cleaning with them, my hands feel a bit like they've been dipped in bleach. I'm sure there's something on the box that says it's a good idea to wear gloves when you use them. Especially if you have hand mange like I do. They are effective, but man. They give me the creeps.

So instead of doing other things, I just spent about twenty minutes scrubbing, until my magic eraser had erased itself and some of the ick with it. And then the earth rotated and it's now dark as dusk in here. At 1:47 in the afternoon on a late July day.

My apologies to all of you who have stayed in this apartment over the summer.

And also, this post is totally not sponsored by Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Which is a good thing since Mr. Clean might not like the part about how his magic erasers give me the creeps.

BTW they also take bird poop off the patio furniture. Even if the birds have been eating berries.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Something Happened

Well kids. I'm going back to work.

"Fiddler on the Roof" it ain't. A beautiful, funny and very poignant play it is.