Monday, March 30, 2009

My Top Ten List So Far

So I've been doing this blogging thing over a year now. I started at Babies Gotta Have It, but then I just got the yen to come here and write some of this stuff that 's going on in my life. I would actually like to write a book, but that's not something I seem to have the discipline to do during naps.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. Some of them are good. Really surprisingly good. Some are interesting and some are educational and some are funny. Really surprisingly funny. Like laugh out loud funny when you've been out to dinner with friends and you had that really strong mojito and you're really a teetotaler and you come home and your baby and husband are sleeping in nearby rooms and your apartment is really small but you're laughing in bursts through your nose like you've got the giggles up in the balcony in church kind of funny.

So this gal over at Piece o' Coconut Cake had the idea to create a top ten list of her favorite posts for her readers to check out while she's visiting her family in Guatemala. Let me just say, why doesn't my family live somewhere tropical and lush instead of somewhere that Puritans and farmers decided to remove rocks from and endure. Anyway, when you're up late reading blogs and eating thin mints and you want to meet some new bloggers, check out her list and the links at the end of her post.

I haven't actually written all that much in the last ten months. But I do have more than ten entries. So I went back through and scanned them and reread them. Here are the ten I like the best today.
  1. My Apology to the Girl at the Cruise Lines Audition My first post. Why and how I got into all this.
  2. What Does It Mean to Eat Your Children The post I wrote the day I stopped breastfeeding.
  3. Left Wing Butterflies Baby's First Birthday Post.
  4. Taking the A Train With My Baby New York, motherhood, and avoiding the culture of fear.
  5. Pole Dancing and Drag Shows That's just how I roll.
  6. The Apocalypse The Mayans and the end of the world.
  7. Lock Up Your Craft Scissors What happened when I cut my baby's hair. This became a weekly series.
  8. Pa Ingalls and My Responsibility Project When littering meets Halloween.
  9. Yes We Did. The video I took of people celebrating election night in the streets of New York.
  10. The Bouncing Remote, Baby TV and Why Doesn't My 17 Month Old Walk

    And as an extra bonus. A Conversation Late Last Night. This is short. It speaks for itself.

    Thanks for reading. Want to get a coffee?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ghost Hunters and Confessions of a Teetotaler

I am a teetotaler. I do not even know if I spelled that right. But I am.

Not really by design. My parents don't drink. I am not entirely sure why. I think perhaps my mom doesn't drink because she thinks it's evil and my dad doesn't drink because he knows it's evil.

I'm pretty sure I believed both when I was in high school and college and was very holier and way smarter than thou. Also way more boyfriend-less than thou so take that whole smarter thing as you will.

I still don't drink a lot. I like girly foofy beverages that taste like juice or coffee ice cream. Red wine gives me a headache...sorry Dr. Oz.

And I have never played a drinking game...

Until now.

Now, my husband and I have invented the "Ghost Hunters" drinking game. Here is how it goes.

  1. Buy some drink that is tolerable to the wife who hates beer. I.E. Smirnoff Ice or Wine Coolers or Ginger Ale with Peach Schnapps (look, I make no claims to be that girl from Indiana Jones who could drink fat guys under the table, except in that I can kick your ass and I'm a good kisser).
  2. Tune in to "Ghost Hunters" on the Sci Fi Channel. It is in no way as good as it was when Brian was around. He was such a screw-up that the entertainment value of that alone was worth it. Also ever since Grant pulled a fast one in the whole Halloween Episode Jacket Tug thing I have had something of a falling-out with the show. Not enough to stop watching. Just enough to say to myself, "Ok, maybe they are good actors."
  3. Drink at the following moments, and any others that you find to be appropriate:
  • Any time the following terms are spoken by any of the TAPS Team: EMF, K2 Meter, EVP, Thermal Sweep, Full-Bodied Apparition
  • Any time that Steve says "Go for Steve" into a walkie talkie
  • Any time J. says "Personal Experiences"
  • Any time J. exclaims something along the lines of "Holy Crap!" or "What the Frig was that!!!???"
  • Any time any member of the TAPS team uses any form of the verb "To Investigate"
Remember on "Frasier" when Frasier and his Dad created an "Antiques Roadshow" drinking game. The only rule I remember is that they drank when anyone said "finial." I thought that episode was hilarious.

I think our Ghost Hunters drinking game is hilarious too.

And just as a side note, the baby came up to me today while I was sitting in a chair. She opened her mouth and spat a little wet brown something into her hand. Then she put it on my tummy. It was a kibble of cat food.

At least she didn't eat it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

How to Turn Your Kitchen into a Food Network Kitchen

Ok so I can't get arrested in the Entertainment Industry these days. Nothing doing. Not at all. "No thank you Wendy, we'll just pass." And pass. And pass. And pass.

I am, however, getting invited to blogging events right and left. This amuses me to no end. I'm not getting paid a dime for them, of course. Except in hypo-allergenic pillow covers, Yanni CDs and bath mitts. Oh and pasta sauce. And it was at the pasta sauce event I attended where I learned:
How to Turn Your Kitchen into a Food Network Kitchen
(not literally. the kitchen i crashed was actually just a studio kitchen and the event was not a Food Network event per se. just sounds sexier with that title, don't you think?)
  1. Add water to browning ground beef if you want it to steam. And who doesn't want a little more sizzle in life? No idea what this does to the beef itself. Might it make it moister? God knows. On list of things to try someday when I have time to kill.
  2. Arrange all your ingredients attractively in clear prep bowls.
  3. Wear full make-up and a great (very slimming) dress while you cook. Also pretty rings so your hands look good while you're adding salt and pepper to taste.
  4. Pour your sauces slowly...dare I say...sensually when you add them to things. Even if you are pouring them out of giant glass jars.
  5. Always pour sauces away from you and toward the camera. This minimizes messy splashing on your aforementioned great dress and allows the viewer to see what you're doing.
  6. Have fresh flowers on your counter. I mean, if you don't already. (I know, who doesn't grow narcissus on the kitchen counter...)
  7. Polish your tomatoes until they shine.
  8. Have another person actually do the food preparation and clean-up for you.
  9. Put pans and plates into the oven absolutely silently.
  10. And finally, don't forget "The Hero Shot." Let me explain, lest you think I have strayed from the realm of cooking shows into porn. From what I could observe, "The Hero Shot" appears the be the final shot taken, when you have cut the beautiful slice of whatever it is you are making, served it up on a pretty plate, garnished it with whatever it demands, and then you photograph or film it in all it's foody glory, being heroic. Frankly after slaving in the kitchen I think you deserve to be featured in the Hero Shot. But unless you have someone doing your makeup and providing you with the great dress, it's probably better to just shoot the damn pie.