Falling off the Wagon and Hitting a Waffle Truck

If you're in New York City, particularly in the area of the Upper West Side, and you're on some crazy diet...well my friend, you've come to the right place. I fell off the Fat Flush Wagon...I am trying very desperately to climb back on but it's not easy to avoid dairy, wheat and sugar when your kid has her first ear infection and coughs so hard she throws up diluted juice all over the hard wood floors...nonetheless, I confess that I fell off the Fat Flush Wagon. And I hit a Waffle Truck on the way down.

So in the interest of full disclosure here are the ways in which I have fallen off the wagon in the last two weeks.

The Waffle Truck - Good God has anything better ever been invented? A Truck? That sells waffles? It is quite simply divine. I managed not to eat the Bean's waffle too while she was sleeping in a feverish daze. Just barely. That would have been low.

The Mermaid Inn - I wanted the lobster roll. I should have had the broiled salmon. I compromised with the Grilled Shrimp Sandwich which was totally and completely beyond divine.

The Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Scone from Silver Moon Bakery - Very nearly not falling off, right? I mean, it's so whole wheat that the wheat berries (are they like crunch berries) crunch in your teeth. But dang I could go for that right now.

So...considering falling off the diet wagon, yourself? Feeling like I did nothing to help you fight to go to bed hungry?

I remind you...baby girl coughs so hard that she throws up diluted juice all over the hardwood floors. That oughta do it.

The Apocalypse

So I'm looking at USA Today...come on, like you're gonna say you never read USA Today even at hotels when it shows up hanging from your door knob for free? And I was looking based on a tip from a twitter friend that the world is possibly going to end on 12/21/2012 according to the Mayans. So I was like, dang, better get that book published before then, cuz I'm gonna feel like a total failure if the world ends and I don't have anything to show for it except for a couple of commercials for chewing gum.

So anyway, according to the respected authorities quoted by USA Today, it's a wee bit more complicated than that. Basically, on that day, which also happens to be the winter solstice, the Mayan Long Count calendar will flip back to zero. Like the odometer in my Dad's 1979 Volkswagen camper van did after 100,000 miles.

According to the article

Part of the 2012 mystique stems from the stars. On the winter solstice in 2012, the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years. This means that "whatever energy typically streams to Earth from the center of the Milky Way will indeed be disrupted on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. Universal Time," Joseph writes.

They then go on to say that scholars are pretty sure the Mayans didn't know that.

The thing is, I'm guessing that they did. In fact, I'm pretty sure they did... Those dudes kinda specialized in knowing unknowable things about the universe.

And what I want to know is...

how?