Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I Have the Greatest Manager in the World

I have the greatest manager in the world. I am so lucky.

I have not done a play in nearly two years. This realization is giving me palpitations. If a lawyer did not practice law for two years, you would still call her a lawyer. If a doctor didn’t see a patient in two years she would still be a doctor. Why is it that after two years of doing no plays, I feel like I am no longer an actor?

My manager knew I was pregnant before my mother did. I had to tell him when I got an audition for “Taming of the Shrew” and not only could I not work on the script without feeling like I was going to hurl, I knew I could never take the job. There are some roles I can imagine doing while pregnant. Kate is not one of them. I told him with trepidation that I was pregnant. That these were deep waters we were navigating. Still very early. But I couldn’t in good conscience take the audition.

So I told him, and then I took a deep breath. I feared he would pull a Donald: “You’re Fired.” With a capital “Y” and “F”. Instead he said “Mazel Tov!” and sounded as if he were jumping around his office for joy. Did I mention he is the greatest manager in the world?

He has been patient with me as I have continued from deep water to rough water and then to dead-calm-no-wind-stuck-in-one-place water. Year one of baby’s life. I really don’t know many moms who are working actors who aren’t famous. I have one friend who works constantly. She is a wonder. A few others who are struggling to figure out how to go back, as I am. But where are the rest of us?

Hellooooooooooooooo? Are there any other unfamous working actress moms out there? Maybe ones who used to be regional theater actresses and now don’t want to or can't leave home?

Working as an actor in New York City is impossible. If you aren’t famous.

I got new headshots done. I’m trying to lose the baby weight. It is stubborn. I fear I am too old. That it’s too late. That I missed this particular bus. That I wasted a lot of money on grad school. Acting is a young person’s game. These are the things that would keep me up at night if I weren’t so exhausted from caring for the baby nonstop.

But my manager is patient with me. I took him the new headshots, and he raved about them and said when the baby is two she’s going on the road with me. He did not yell at me when I said we were leaving town for a month so she can get thirty dollar swimming lessons in my hometown. Saving me approximately two hundred dollars.

He was patient and understanding. Said we’ll sit down and talk in August. Was excited about my vlog.

If he can be patient and understanding with me…perhaps I can be patient and understanding with myself?

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